I read my last post today and it brought me back to an experience I had in my apartment in West Saint Paul. This particular day was the most spiritually numbing day I had experienced on my mission, and I remember sitting at my desk reading my patriarchal blessing out loud and having a phrase in it stick out to me. Despite the unyielding desire to abandon hope and drift into despair and apostasy fed by my feelings of unworthiness; I read "after you have completed your mission in your youth.." and it hit me that I was supposed to be there. I forced myself to believe the words of my patriarch, and believe that I was meant to be out there. I find it incredible looking back now that I completed my mission. Thinking about it today made me think about all the other promises that follow that statement, about how I meet my wife, my family, my career, and my service in the church.

I started thinking about my family, and the great men and women I have in it. I have three adorable sisters and an amazing brother. My mom has my sense of humor and I admire her strength and am constantly in awe of her conversion and example to her family. My father has such a sweet heart and has always put my siblings and myself first in his priorities. In my room I have an old fireman's helmet that sits on my desk. Its from the 1950's completely made of leather and was worn by my grandpa Sharpy. I am in complete awe that as a young Italian immigrant he served this country and went on to raise and support 11 children. I googled my grandpa Addington today, it was funny actually I read an article about when he was a lawyer for the state how he was prosecuting a man for smoking peyote. This man survived polio, pulled himself out of bankruptcy and put himself through law school while raising 5 children and went on to be a judge.

Its a lot of family history but I can't help but be full of gratitude and respect for the examples I have in my life. I wonder if I will measure up to them, and I hope I can qualify for the blessings that I have been promised by my Father in Heaven. I need to be kinder, and more considerate. I haven't been the best friend to some people I care about most and I hope they can forgive me. Since I posted my last blog, I have made an honest effort to do the simple things God has asked me to do, and while I have slipped a few times, I can honestly say He is answering my prayers and things are coming together for me. "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." D&C 82:10

I love my family, I hope they know that. I love how through this stupid blog that I have made fun of so many people for, I am able to get these thoughts out of my head, and see progress I am making. Goodnight.